T'was the day i finally tendered my resignation.

if it were up to me, i'd choose to be the first to leave. the earlier you detach yourself from them, the less you feel and the less people there are leaving you. that's what i always thought. so i'm always the one who sparks off the fight, always the one who initiates the goodbyes in my friendships. yet somehow, there's always a certain longing inside. i detach that self, but still i can't quite bear to leave. till it comes down to the crunch.

and so, i find myself being one of the last few (amongst my gang) to leave as usual.
after two years and slightly more than two months, i bade agnes and the outlet i've been at for almost two years (the first three months were at Taka Bean) goodbye. one day after my birthday, i dropped the bomb. on her? on khai? on our staff (whom i no longer know as more new faces come up)? Most importantly, on me myself actually.

Closing was always my favourite shift. to see the bustling outlet in the daytime after opening hours, nice and sparkling clean at night after a day's hard work. to sit in the outlet, so totally shagged but somehow feeling so much more alive than any other time, blasting Rina's #1 hits album out loud (with shafie switching to She Will Be Loved whilst i fought for Clay's The Way). to hear the satisfying thud of the metal shutters being pulled down and be the last to leave j8, next to the security guards and the 7-11 people, quietly bidding my outlet goodnight.

I remember my first shifts closing at Taka bean, with ah wai telling me about how closing was his favourite shift and me agreeing on that. we had seven people closing that night and we walked down the streets of orchard as though we owned them. the band at indochine always seemed to sound better on thursday nights. and stupid uncle CM who left without a farewell to me, he was the first person i worked with (though only for two hours) at Taka. NAC was a label we baristas were proud to display because NAC was the busiest outlet in the whole of Singapore.

I remember walking down after school to pass them the menu stands that Shereen had asked from Steven, one day before our J8 outlet officially re-opened in late August 2004. It smelled so new and to think i was one of those the boss herself had wanted to go over and help open the new outlet. I remember feeling sad but glad as well, sad that i was leaving Taka but glad that i'd this chance to "open" an outlet with them. Remember the first time I met Sasha and I'd thought she was cute. And how Aini was such a blur trainee in the beginning, and shereen had nicknamed her ajisen because of reasons i'm embarrassed to say. Crazy babe Zie, who'd left for Brunei, and Shirin pretty/skinny who'd always climb up to scrub the IB sink. Oh, how we loved to do that.

How when we first started at J8, Lady, Lorong Ah Soo, Uncle CM and I would do closing together and we'd board this funny chatty uncle's taxi and he'd let me wind down the windows cos i get a little motion sickness. And then later it was Uncle Jack who so doted on Jim, as we all know. Even driving him down to Boat Quay to help the Angela, haha. And then when Khai came along, we'd to go all the way to Bedok (even further than Jim's Aljunied!) before the rest of us Northlanders could be dropped off. i absolutely loved the night breeze. Remember our first (and only) Christmas party in 2004. I think it was probably the only successful one, altho Shereen'd invited Shukor for some crazy reason and Papa Ayam the nut wasn't there. And then Shereen laughing at how I would hang my head out the window so that I could enjoy the full blast of the wind blowing in my face as we rode home at night.

Taka was my first love, but J8 was my outlet. it was the outlet that'd become my home.

And now, I'm not even gonna get to do a last closing with my gang, nor wave a last farewell to my outlet. Good night, j8.. good night, beanies.. The gang's all dispersed and gone now, and i always knew i should've left before it got too late. But i didn't. As always.

And so I bade Agnes farewell today (even she is leaving earlier, her last day's this Sat) and Sunday will be goodbye to the kiosk, goodbye to the outlet..